• Miriam Wagoner

Not Available


Historically I’ve prided myself on being available in the DMs.


She’s so friendly. She’s always down to chat. I have to tell Miriam this, she’s going to love it! Omg I totally thought of Miriam, I have to tell her. Oh this is so funny, I gotta send this reel to Miriam.


☝🏼 things I imagine people say. Things people actually think. Things people really do.


Something has been churning over here. Big time. I haven’t known what it is, but I’ve felt it for weeks.


This is funny, but I thought the big thing brewing was building a community garden in my moms condo complex 🤣


That was here for all of 1 day. And then it completely evaporated. It’s a great idea. It’s a HUGE undertaking. It’s a gigantic project.

So I thought “omg that must be what I’ve been feeling.”


Um… no. Not quite.


The big thing brewing has been a HARD STOP to all DM chatter on Instagram.


So not what I was thinking. So anti-climactic. So kinda boring.


I’d rather battle the HOA for a community garden than feel the ripples of shutting down my DMs. I’d rather have a huge come up story from 1984 to 2022, Miriam Wagoner grew up here. She rode her bike in this condo complex. Now she’s returned to bring self sustainability to her community.


Can’t you just see the headline in the paper? Of course I’d invite the mayor for the ceremonial ribbon cutting. The mayor that’s been mayor since I was 8! Yup. Same guy. 14 terms or some shit!


But no. The bigness I was feeling was drawing a really clean hard line with IG DMs. 🤦🏻‍♀️

It brushes up against all of the things that I thought were good qualities about me. It was my counter weight to being so fiery.


At least people still like me if they’re DMing me. I must not be that scary and intimidating. Look how approachable I am. See. I’m cute. I’m fun. I’m approachable.


Blah!


Then there was an under current of “this is good for business”. I kinda hate admitting that. But I thought if I built relationships with people in the DMs, they’d get to know me and they’d want to work with us. If they liked me, they would surely love The Second Paradigm.


But now that I’ve drawn the line. It’s stark. I have no intention of hearting or responding to any DMs from here on out. I’m sure that will change, but right now this is what’s here.


Way too much of my bandwidth was in the DMs. Even just one double tap was too much. It reached max capacity (max ka-pax as David and I say).


It may sound snooty… ‘oh she only talks to people who pay her $1500/mo.’ And the answer to that is ‘yes, true. I do.’ Followed by… ‘so what?!’ And maybe a ‘fuck you!’ 🤣 you know, for good measure.


I’ve come to this realization 100 times over, but each time it gets in a little deeper.


I do not have peers in this industry. I don’t have friends. Not yet.


David and I are leading a spiritual revolution. That’s the only way I can think to describe it. The Second Paradigm is truly revolutionary. If you’ve experienced our work to any degree, you know what I mean.


So another hard hitting realization for myself is that I don’t have peers. No one is doing this. They can’t. It’s completely new. I’m leading this thing! Like WTF?! Why is it so hard for me to see and accept?


I don’t have people in my life that really fucking get it. The only people that “get it” are the people walking along side us. Our clients. The ones brave enough to walk this uncharted path with David and I as their guides.


David and I are teaching real time, we’re speaking into real life examples. We’re articulating their experience as it’s happening. Well David does the articulating. I do the button pressing and pointing at the next thing up ahead.


We’re not light years ahead turning back to who we were 2 years ago. We’re at the literal edges of this work with them.


And we’re walking people into eternal peace. Like actually. Eternal fucking peace!


This isn’t some false utopia. It’s real.


It exists. They live there. We live there. We’re all living embodiments of it. And it’s fucking awesome.


So ya. My hard line may be strange to some. Out of the blue, but I feel how important it is that I protect my peace, my space, my containers with the people who do pay a lot of money to have unlimited access to me.


We’re opening our new group container – Inner Solidity – which will require even more of my bandwidth. So maybe that’s why I’m having to draw this hard line.


I really only want to talk to people that are doing this work with us. And I can’t be bothered with anyone else.


Gosh. She’s so rude.


Am I? Maybe.


Gosh. She’s so honest.


Am I? Totally!


So I can’t be leaking out sideways in the DMs. And I certainly can’t be deceived in thinking my approachable side chatter DMs ensure some level of future potential business maybe someday.


Like. No. Eww. That’s a weird hook. And being available in the DMs is a weird unnecessary counter weight to my insecurity of being unapproachable and intimidating. Fuck that too.


Now I am certainly unavailable. So now what? What comes from this place?


I guess we’ll see!


I’ve grown quite accustomed to speaking enough truth and fire that I blow everyone away. We driven our income to zero several times and yet we’ve always been just fine. Actually things turned out better!


This feels like one of those edges. It feels like a semi big deal, but also not. It feels perfectly spot on. And I’ll look back at this post and laugh and think “omg I can’t believe how much I time I spent in the DMs and how worried I was to not respond ever again.”


Side note, but still related.


I told David the other day that I wanted to speak so much truth, call so much bullshit out, flip so many metaphorical tables that I would risk blowing up our business and our relationship.


I was in a “burn it all down to the ground” moment.


As I was saying it, I knew it would only increase our business, which is weird to feel as I’m fully feeling the feelings of losing it all.


I just know I’m meant to disrupt shit here. I know I’m meant to shake Satan’s apple cart. I know I’m meant to call people out by name and call bullshit on their bullshit.

The throttle on my throat is slowly breaking. I have so much more shit to talk! I need people to see what I see and then they can make their own decision. But I can’t continue on pretending like these fucking people don’t exist. They’re duping far too many at this point.


So I don’t know where this goes. We never know where any direction by God goes, but I trust it. I trust what I’m getting even as pieces of me squirm and tell me that I’m being rude and snooty.


so here’s to being one rude snooty snarky cunt!

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